Fbeer Makes a Daring Escape

Fbeer was probably the only criminal in all of Irolladice who dreamed of being an accountant. He was the smartest raccoon furry west of Lumen, and he liked numbers. He was plagued with a rare affliction that made him more prone to counting coins than to keeping or spending them, which was not to say that he didn’t have a decent amount stashed away for himself - because of course he did. That’s just how things worked.

“Fbeer?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin as Ayoot called for him. There was always that moment of terror when he thought the authorities, or some sort of scorned resident turned vigilante (which was more likely considering the locale) had caught onto their little gang of thieves. Many of the authorities were already well aware of the criminal organizations, but the fact that they were also competitors was far from comforting to a man already prone to panic attacks.

He took a deep breath and turned to his best friend and employer. “Yes?”

“I need you to run an errand for me.”

Fbeer smiled. Shopping days were nice, since they were relatively safe compared to all other days. “Sure thing, boss! What do you need?”

“I need you to go to our workshop and clean the place out, bring all the loot back here.”

Oh no.

“Do what?”

Ayoot waved away the concerns before Fbeer had a chance to voice them. “Don’t worry, buddy. It’s nothing to worry about. Just a couple of nosy out of towners.”

That sounds like something to worry about for sure.

People who grew up there were so much more complacent with the way of the town. Tourists were one thing. Getting robbed or tricked or swindled from some of their money was almost like an attraction, and it made for a good story for years to come. But nosy people from out of town?

“Why would you- “

“Because obviously I didn’t know that they were going to be trouble when I called them over. I didn’t know that they would try to chase me, or investigate after we took things from them. Hell, one of them looked like he could have been a local he was so shady. I never took them as an investigative sort of group.”

Fbeer didn’t want anything to do with this situation, but Ayoot seemed persistent.

“Just run in there, grab the cash, and we’ll lay low for a bit, the whole gang.”

That sounded almost nice enough to make the prospect of going better. Almost. His favorite days were the ones where the whole gang was off the streets, laying low and playing cards or charades, which he was great at. “Where do I take the cash to?”

“Just bring it here,” Ayoot answered, and then as if he could read Fbeer’s argument he continued, “it’ll be fine.”

Keeping a dozen bags filled with stolen loot in their apartment seemed like the sort of thing that could not be described as ‘fine’, along with just about everything else in his life.

Fbeer would have quit the life of crime much earlier if the prospect of jumping into Ibarlino’s job market weren’t equally as terrifying. Jobs were seldom available because all of the traditional jobs were being held by partners of major crime syndicates who needed a front for their business. So even if one were able to snag a nice safe job, you never knew for sure what crime family you might be joining.

Better to stick with the evil you know.

And in this case, the evil that was his friend.

So, he went and reluctantly started collecting the bags from their secret hideout behind the Church of Silence. He took a horse with them, their amateur guild had only the one horse between the five of them. Everyone knew that when you had two or more horses you were in the game for real and should be crushed.

He didn’t want to have to make more than one trip if he could avoid it, it was bad enough already that he’d have to carry the bags to the horse one at a time because of their weight, and on account of the fact that the church would never let a horse onto their property, since it couldn’t be controlled in regards to how much sound it made.

We probably wouldn’t have been allowed to use the sacred ground either if it weren’t such a risky space.

That thought made him rush all the more, and he was making quick work of his task. It wasn’t until he was transporting the penultimate bag that he ran into trouble.

“Hey!”

Fbeer dropped the bag before he even turned around to see who had yelled at him, his hands raising into the air as the bag fell open at his feet, spilling coins all around him. He was scared quite often, but that had to have been the most intimidating voice he’d ever heard in his entire life - other than his mother’s, of course.

When he did turn around to face his auditory assailant, he saw that it was a small group of people - one of whom could have easily been a local despite the fact that Fbeer had never seen him before.

These must be the guys Ayoot warned me about.

“Belthor,” asked the owner of the scary voice. “Do you want to grab that bag?”

The shady looking elf came over to pick up the bag that he’d dropped, the dog eagerly collecting every coin that had spilled out.

This is it. This is my worst nightmare realized. I’ve been caught.

When the small, angry dwarf man’s attention was drawn down to the dog, about to scold them for something, Fbeer made the boldest choice he had ever made.

He bolted for it.

It was terrifying to take that small window of opportunity, knowing he might be chased and that if he was caught, he’d be in more trouble. The dread that it filled him with was so insignificant when compared to the dread of wonder, however. He felt like he might never stop running and when he did, it was just to mount his horse and immediately spur it into action.

He had the wind in his whiskers and a whole future ahead of him.

Ayoot would be mad about the lost capital, he thought, that was a guy who was always working on the next big thing and saving every penny he could. Fbeer had never been the sort of guy to turn his back on his friends, even the ones who would yell at him, and so he slowed his horse to a mere crawl before he made it to the edge of the city.

I was never the kind of guy to resist arrest and vigilante justice before today either though.

One of these seemed better than the other, until Fbeer remembered that Ayoot had sent him out to collect the loot, despite the fact that he hadn’t been doing anything and he knew that Fbeer had fears of both confrontations, and carrying large amounts of currency upon his person.

A good friend wouldn’t have put me in this situation.

That made his decision.

Fbeer had a good horse, ten bags of gold, and a new perspective on his life. Somewhere in the world, he was sure that someone was in need of a brave accountant.